And so it begins... again.

Good evening. It's day one. I can't say I ever thought I'd do this again, but it's an opportunity and as good a time as any to pour out my feelings. Craig left this morning. We were up rather late on our last night together, after he tucked Mia in and explained that "Daddy's going on a trip tomorrow". The alarm was set for 3 AM and when it went off it seemed like 5 minutes after I drifted off.. fighting it all the way.

He showered, put the rest of his stuff together, and we kissed and hugged and I cried and he left. It was 3:49 AM. I cried for a little while after he left and then I was stuffed up, so I sat up in bed and did the Sunday Times crossword for a while until I felt tired enough to go back to sleep for a while. At 6:30 the alarm went off for me, and I showered and got ready. Mia woke up, as happy as ever, and I got her ready. I left Craig a voice mail; I knew he wasn't taking off until 10:20, so he was still only down the road at Miramar. He called me a few minutes later and I teared up again as I let Mia tell him hello and that she was watching Zooboomafoo or whatever it was.

I took her to daycare, she sang "Good Morning to You" and I know how blessed I am to have her company and her giggle. It's going to get me through this, just like the love of my family, my friends & my husband. It's just hard to think about this seemingly vast amount of time right now on the first night without him. I picked her up, and on the way home, as always, she asked, "Go home and see Daddy now?"

"No, baby. Daddy's on a trip, he's at work, remember?"

"Oh, Daddy go on a trip tomorrow." Yes, Mia. Today IS tomorrow. I'm still reeling at the fact that she's finally remembering the things we talk to her about... but I'm also sure that my little OCD creature of habit will ask if we're going home to see Daddy every time I pick her up for a while now.

He flew to Seattle, called me from there at 1:30 PM PST. He was leaving for BWI in a half hour, and I told him that Mia talked about him, and that I picked up the car from the base at lunchtime. Poor thing has 29 hours of travel ahead of him, that is horrendous. He was going to BWI, then Frankfurt and then Kuwait. From there he's going to Iraq, to his home for the next seven months on a base outside Fallujah. He did promise me he wouldn't try to be a hero. I know that if for no other reason than his love for our daughter, he'll stay safe and come home to us. I know he's an incredible Marine and I respect and admire him so much.

So tonight I tucked my little Pookie in, and she helped me say a prayer for Daddy... and sang him Happy Birthday. Again. I think it might be Craig's birthday for the next few weeks, but that's ok. It makes me laugh. Craig called from BWI at 7:30 PST and told me that the next time I will hear from him is on Monday or Tuesday. At least this time I'll hear from him regularly via email & phone. That will be MUCH better than last year. *Sigh* last year... I can't believe that he had to go there again.

I'll be in here to post from time to time, and I promise it won't always be heartreaking. It's just the first day. I'm sure we have lots of fun ahead of us in the weeks & months to come, it's just a hard day to get through. Each day is one less. I'll be back in here tomorrow night at some point. Good night.