Rough night

I'm a little unsure of how such a glorious day can turn into such a horrendous night...

We hit the beach this morning on the Silver Strand and met Taryn & Gavyn. She had a ball, rode around on his go-cart and ate Goldfish crackers, played in the sand... she loved it. We weren't there long, I knew I had to get home, feed Mia, put her down for a nap and then go to a Pacific Islander dance recital for which I had a ticket. Well, she didn't nap, and I should've taken that as a hint and never left. But the ticket was $25 and I really did want to go.

I just feel like she doesn't listen at all... I do know this is now a reaction to Craig not being here, I educated myself at Zero to Three (see the PDF pamphlet at the top of this link). I now know she's exhibiting nearly every sign of the realization that her parent has left her, and I'll need to give her extra love and attention, as will her teachers at daycare. But it's so hard for me to believe how badly this can all go... from the moment we got to the Ball Room at Balboa Park Club she was impossible. She didn't listen, she ran in the other direction every time I called her name... I felt like a moron and a horrendous parent because she was willfully ignoring and testing me, and throwing fits when I picked her up to take her out of situations I didn't want her in (i.e. running toward a street with traffic, wandering off while I was waiting on line for food). She wouldn't sit down in the room where the recital was, which wasn't really a surprise, she doesn't do that very well, but I was with my friend Julie from work and her friend Amy (a single parent, by the way) and her 5-year-old son (who was a total angel and made me wonder again whether this behavior of Mia's was my fault). I found myself feeling guilty for subjecting them to my constant, "Mia! MIA! Get OVER here!" and the like.

I guess I realized that due to the fact that I have no family here and my friends have lives and plans on weekend evenings, I'll be spending Friday & Saturday nights at home in front of the television pretty much. I will not subject myself or my friends to the behavior she exhibited today. It was awful. During the actual dance show, she was great. She was mesmerized by the drummers and the dancers. She was even dancing herself with her arms in the air, telling me to clap. So there was a shining moment. But besides that and the time when she was just chasing Kaden (the aforementioned 5-year-old) around, it was a disaster. I told her we had to go home while the raffle was going on at the recital (no nap and it was now 7:30, 1/2 hour past her bedtime), and she laid down on the floor, kicking and screaming like a total brat. I also felt horrible because this is NOT who she is, and what a bad impression. She screamed as I held her on the way out. I'm barely physically strong enough (with giant SLR camera and diaper bag on my back) to carry her out of anywhere when she's putting up a fight, so that made me look all the more pathetic. Then when we got to the car she wanted to go watch the dancing more, and I put her in her seat as she fought me and wailed. I was so angry with her... which in hindsight may not have been fair, but I guess she'll never really know. It took her a 1/2 hour to drink down her milk, and I brushed her teeth and laid her down without a story and said, "No book tonight, Mia. I need you to please think about listening better and behaving like a young lady." I didn't hear anything from her room after I shut the door; I know a large part of her behavior was lack of sleep and sheer exhaustion. I'm almost in the same boat tonight after that ordeal. I should probably go to bed after typing this.

And of course, every local friend I have is either at Street Scene in downtown San Diego or somewhere else having fun, which isn't helping my mood much either. So here I sit, first thought I had was to write it all down. I love that kid more than life and I wish I could find a way to get through to her. This is the biggest challenge I've faced, bigger than the last deployment because she was too young to understand or react. I mostly was dealing with my own emotions then.

Well, tomorrow is another day. Hopefully I'll do brunch/lunch with Stuart, Les, maybe Wendi; she gets back from Vegas at 9AM. So hopefully this entry can be the end of feeling sorry for myself tonight, and tomorrow we can start fresh with a walk to Starbucks and some time with friends. Now I'm off to stare at my dirty dishes & laundry and hope that my glare will make them go away.

Mia Meltdown

Well, it's official. Mia's disciplinarily adjusting to Craig's absence. By this I mean she's had a pretty bad week at daycare, according to Amber & Mary, her teachers. She whines a lot, doesn't listen, yells "NO!", doesn't even stay in time out, gave another teacher a hard time at naptime, and hit some other kids with a plastic dinosaur for fun! I feel horrible... I don't know if there is anything I could do about it even though I want to try, and it makes it all the more frustrating.

(heck, at this moment she's defying me.. she's in bed singing, it's 7:47PM and she went to bed a t7!)

I feel like it's a giant authority test combined with her undying need to control. Everything. Always. Wow, this is a rough parenting moment. I felt so awful while Amber was telling me about her day and how she doesn't listen and was whining, pouting or crying seemingly all morning. I put her in the car, and after 5 minutes of trying to get her to focus and understand what I was saying, tears welled up in my eyes and I gave up. The second you scold her or tell her about something that made someone else upset, she pouts or cries. She doesn't even listen for long enough to understand what you're trying to explain! We were driving and after I gave up and got sad about this whole situation, she said, "Mommy... are you tired?"

"No, Mia, I'm sad."
"What's wrong?" (I did smile at this because it actually showed some sympathy and concern.)
"Mommy's sad because you don't listen sometimes. You should always listen to Miss Mary, Miss Amber, and Mommy and Daddy."
She pouted and whined, and I told her not to. And then as I got sadder and missed Craig more, she said. "Elephants have BIG poop, and mice have TINY poops. A one-hump camel has a one-hump poop, and a two-hump camel has a two-hump poop. Only kidding!!!"

I laughed. Then I got home, made her a sandwich, and pulled out my "Toddler Manuals" (just reference books regarding toddlers & discipline). Unfortunately they weren't written at wartime, and recommend that you "keep business trips to a minimum" with toddlers. I laughed. That's such crap. I think I need the Nice Jewish Military Wives' Book of Discipline for Toddlers. Has anyone written that? Does anyone have a clue what I do now because Mia has entered the adjustment period after Craig's departure and I feel so horrible that her providers have to deal with that? It's guilt. I really felt better after talking to Wendi for a few minutes and realizing that in all probability this is another phase, or maybe she's got growing pains, or whatever little kid reason she might have for having a rough week. Heaven knows I have rough weeks.. once a month or so.

So tonight I took it easy on myself after my sad moment and I read a book with Mia, gave her a bath that she really didn't protest too much, and put her to bed. She begs for book after book these days. And the "Frog Song". Three Dog Night, "Joy to the World". The Big Chill is one of my all time favorite movies. That scene in the bathtub at the beginning, Kevin Kline is singing "Joy to the World" to his kid in the tub. And it's become Mia's new favorite. "Mommy, sing Frog Song? da da DA!?" As I was pouring water on her head to rinse her hair she got sad. Not mad that I was dumping water on her, but kind of down.. hung her head and whined. "Daddy... daddy...." It nearly broke my heart, and I just said,
"I know you miss Daddy, Mommy does too. He loves you so much, and he's thinking of you right now." I explained he was working, and reminded her where he was.

"Ok." I gotta buy a globe. Maybe that thing would help her understand.

So i hear her in there, almost asleep because it just quieted down.. nearly 8:00. *sigh* I'm going to watch Big Brother now, it's eviction night! Bye, everyone. Say a little prayer that the kid works this out without becoming a basket case... or before I do!

Today's happenings

I'm being lame and pasting what I just wrote to Craig in here. It's going to save time. I saw Garden State tonight. Didn't exactly make me miss home, but it was as wonderful as all the friends & press says it is! Zach Braff is rather yummy as the NJ-NJB...

Garden State was fabulous. I loved it. Not what I expected. I'll not spoil a
thing for you, but to say this; a small part is played by the same guy who
played that sick f*ck who put David through hell on Six Feet Under! Drew called it, and
I found myself hating the dude even though he was playing a funny character
for all of 5 minutes.

Anyway, you'll be happy to know I also saw a trailer for another movie with
Natalie, Jude Law & Julia Roberts that looks quite good. Something else to
look forward to I guess. So yeah, great movie, great soundtrack. I'm buying the Shins.

So today in the parking lot of Albertsons during my lunchtime this old dude
backed into my car... NOT a big deal, I'm fine. I noticed just as he was
about to hit me as I was at a stop sign waiting to turn into the main drag
of the parking lot to go back to Mira Mesa. I looked to the right and saw a
big van's reverse light about 2" from my car and leaned on the horn. He was
like 85 years old, and backing up out of a handicapped spot. I heard a
"Thunk" after the "crunch" and thought I lucked out and maybe the door
corrected itself, but no dice. There's a decent dent in the rear
passenger-side door. Thank GOODNESS mia wasn't with me, even though it was
very minor, that would've freaked me out b/c it's her door, you know? So I
got out and said "I'll need your insurance information, I'll have to arrange
to have this fixed."
"WHAT??"
I said it twice more, and he got the stuff out of his car. Oy. I already
called USAA who will be getting in touch with his company, AAA. Thank
goodness his insurance was current and hopefully this all won't be contested
& stuff. I imagine I'll hear within a few weeks. Just a pain in the ass...
But at least everyone is fine and it'll get fixed.

Mia had a ball with Jenn... She kept coming out with stuff from her room and
saying "Look what IIIIII have!!!" Found her flip-flops, and played with
those, and apparently couldn't let go of the school bus with all the letters
on it; she fell ASLEEP with it on her chest, pushing the buttons! I guess
Jenn finally pried it out of her sleepy hands at 8:30! Crazy kid. But she
was awesome. She just said, "Bye bye, Mommy!" waved, and hugged me goodbye.
She fully loves sitters now, and enjoys playing with new people. Problem is,
she manipulates them into letting her fall asleep with loud toys!

One added thing... Another trailer was shown, this movie looks awesome: I Heart Hucklebees.

Jude Law, Jason Schwartzman, Mark Wahlberg, Dustin Hoffman, and more. Seek out the trailer...
More soon.

Too cute

I have 2 quick stories from today.

I had told Miss Amber, one of Mia's teachers, that I wanted to invite a couple of friends from her class to her birthday party. So she said she'd observe to see who her friends were. I went to pick her up today, and after my usual enthusiastic greeting, Amber told me that Mia had a BOYfriend! His name is Ronin. And she pointed him out. This little guy is easily 3" shorter than Mia, and is of Indian or Pakistani descent (I say because of his coloring & look). He's adorable, but honestly, Mia looks like a linebacker next to him! I said, "Mia, where's your friend?"
"Right there! Ronin!"
"Want to give him a hug goodbye?"
"YEAH!" She nearly tackles the kid, but he hugs back just as enthusiastically! Amber told me that he was part-time, he arrives after naptime in the afternoon. Mia consistently greets him with hugs and KISSES, and is very excited when he arrives. I must say, when we left, he was sitting off in a corner on a chair looking quite forlorn! I promised he'd see her tomorrow. Too cute!

So then on the way home, Mia said, "LOOK, Mommy.. the MOON! Right THERE!" and sure enough, there was the moon in the blue sky.
"Yes, Mia, that's very observant, that IS the moon." We drove on, made a couple of turns, and suddenly she got excited again.
"LOOK, Mommy!! ANOTHER moon! Right THERE!"
I love the laughs I get from this kid.

Some catching up to do here...

Hi, everyone. Let's start on the stuff that's pissing me off about being alone. I kid you not, I think Mia and I create equally as many dirty dishes, as much filthy clothing, and as much general dirt as we do with Craig here. I HATE doing dishes anyway, and now it's ONLY me that does it! At what age do you suppose I could buy a stool and make Mia do this? Well, I'm sure I could now, but it would just be a big water fight and not actually create any cleanliness. That's a big gripe; I feel like I spend all of my "me" time (which completely consists of when Mia's sleeping) cleaning and putting stuff away. There's a good possibility that I'll budget some money for a cleaning person... I hate doing it, but it must be done.

OK, so on to other things. Where did I leave off? Wow. A week ago. Let's see... Craig has been sucessfully calling quite often, I'm really happy with the amount of time we've spent on the phone. And the Internet connection has its moments too.. just now I emailed him, and he emailed me back so fast you'd think he was right here on Miramar. Hm! He's heard Mia a few times, twice now when she woke up and I walked into her room with the phone in hand, she's talked to Daddy. She gets very happy and smiley when she hears his voice. And I say, "Do you remember where Daddy is right now?"

"He's right THERE!" Pointing at the telephone. Well.. it's true, I guess! She LOVES the "Daddy Movie". She watches it 2 to 3 times in a row now. She's becoming the "one more time?" girl. Everything. Books are now read 2 to 3 times in a row if they're her favorites. I spin her around in the air while I hold her, and it's "Round and round?? One more time??" She is really doing great. I think pooping regularly doesn't hurt, it's the first time in so long that I'm not stressed about it and that she isn't in any pain or doing something I need to redirect her from doing. So the REAL Mia has emerged!

Craig had a fantastic idea, by the way. He emailed me that I should ship him some children's books and he could read them on video and send them all in a box to her for her birthday. I can burn the DVD, and bring it out with the books. Kudos, baby.. that was such an amazing idea; particularly considering the "Daddy Video" addiction she's developing. I know that I, for one, will be thrilled to have a back-up DVD that doesn't have KC interrupting him. Hehe...

Let's see... during this week, highlight was definitely the box seats at the Padre game. I used to be the executive assistant, and took minutes at board meetings. I developed a really great relationship with the board, I like them a lot. And this box seat game was in the works since early in the year, so I knew about it. As a matter of fact, when Robin offered me the marketing job, not long after I got done with my review and lunch with her, I went, "Oh, crap. I want to go to that GAME!" So I told Anne, our Senior VP of HR (in charge of planning said game), I'd come on my own time and even take minutes at the meeting if she had the ticket. She said she'd remember and would try. Thanks to fate, a few board members weren't able to make the game, so I was IN. Julie, wonderful friend and kid EXPERT babysat for Mia. We had box seats overlooking left field; Ryan Klesko was right underneath us... I could've definitely yelled to him and he would have successfully heard me. But I don't have a thing for baseball players in general. Anyway, I drove down there on my own and walked from the Convention Center parking lot. I was going to take Jenn home (my replacement as EA) afterward. She left her car at work, which is right around the corner.

I walked in to the stadium (which is brand new and kicks major bootie. Wanna see? Click here.) and had to ask a little help on getting there. The box was in the Metalworks Building, and there's a dude named Cinco out front watching to make sure those who go in have the tickets. He has another guy walk me in, and he shows me our own private bathroom just for these few boxes (NICE!) and opens the door. Inside the box is just a small kitchen area, sink and a buffet set up. Just dogs & chicken with bread, some munchie snacks, etc. And 2 big cart-looking coolers with ice and sodas and Anchor Steam. YESSSSSSS! excellent beer, and it's FREE at the ballpark! Amazing. So it was a truly great night. Everyone on the board asked for Craig, they've met him and know where he is at the moment. I talked a lot about how much better his conditions are this time. My cell vibrated, and it was Les. He & Wendi were at the game, and I went out to meet them. Cinco saw me walk back & forth a couple of times because I took a lap with Anne, my boss, VP Marketing. She had never been to the park. Then I went out to find Les & Wendi. Cinco was thinking I wouldn't ever sit still, but when I found them, I asked, "Can I just bring them in for a few minutes?"

"Sure, 5 minutes."

Which turned into about 15, and we had a great time talking with Anne (the marketing one). I snaked Les an Anchor Steam, and watched the game for a bit. Then took a lap with Jenn, who also had never been to the park. We met up with Les & Wendi again and chatted. After a couple of hours in the box, someone brought in a platter with Caramel apples covered in nuts & goodies, brownies and cookies. YUM, perfect timing. Where was my cappuccino?

And at about 9:30, when it seemed the Padres had it in the bag at 5 to 3, we left during the 7th inning stretch. Atlanta came up in the 9th and beat us. But it was such a great time! And when I got back, Julie spoke of her time with Mia. The TV never was turned on, as it shouldn't be. She played with makeup brushes, and soulfully sang "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" from the Lion King for Julie. I have to admit, that and "Hakuna Matata" are my favorites that she does. She had Julie read books, and when she got tired, it was "Ok. I go bed now." That kid knows when she's tired, she always tells me. They had a blast, and as always, I wish I could've been a fly on the wall.

So then we come to the weekend. I took Mia to a storytime thing at the Rancho Bernardo Library on Saturday at 10:30. It's someone telling stories for toddlers, and then there's even a craft. And it's free! So we went. She had MUCH more fun when I read books to her from the big baskets in the little room in the corner where the storytime was. And definitely the craft was her favorite. The stories were "Cinderella", "Rumplestiltskin" (screw you if you just told me I spelled that wrong), and "The Emperor's New Clothes". Royalty theme, therefore a crown. Big tall yellow crown. (see the Ofoto shots for this one) I put glue dots on the crown in strategic spots and she selected the perfect gems and jewels to affix. It was quick fun, but really great. Then I took her to Islands for lunch. She had some chicken, and enjoyed talking about the birds hanging from the ceiling and the surfers and kayakers on the TV. And the placemat, where the menu & crayon-involving activities were, had the name of the restaurant in all caps. She spelled it quickly and beautifully...

"I...S...L....A....N....D.....S!! ...................DOG!" I'm laughing just typing this. Almost everything spells "DOG" now. Or "MIA". No matter how many letters. Then in the afternoon we hit Jamba Juice for some CHEERS! and then off to a playground where I took more pictures.

That kid has NO fear when she is on a playground. Then she saw this big caterpillar thing that had bars on it... hard to describe, but she wanted to go on it. I figured no biggie, until she got to the top of one of the semi-circular humps which was over my head and out of my reach! I almost panicked, I was telling her, "OK, you're making Mommy nervous, get down now..." and really wishing my 6' 1" hubby was around. She sensed my fear and kind of froze. I quickly talked her down, step by step, and got her off. I said, "Let's play on something else now, ok?"

"OK!" and she sped off to the slide. Then another kid appeared, and he was probably about 5 and very high-energy; running everywhere she went, and she was afraid! "AAH! OH no!" And i explained he was harmless, but sort of glanced at his mother, waiting for her to explain to her kid that my kid was a little scared and to maybe slow down a little? It worked, and she did so. But Mia wasn't sure about that kid. Fine with me... staying away from boys will be a very good idea. So Saturday was fun, but Sunday was really great.

Jake's birthday party was a great time, and Mia had lots of fun. Particularly when the Vener kids arrived, but even so, it's quite apparent that she's an only child. She often entertains herself and doesn't care to be bothered with other kids. But that's nice too, I guess. The best part was her standing in front of Jacob while he demolished his own cake at his high chair and saying, "Oh, Mommy... he make a MESS!" If she only remembered the blue icing bath she took on her first birthday! Craig & Les, bless their hearts, had to give her a full-on bath after that craziness. She pooped blue for a week! She really enjoyed every crumb of her piece of cake. And we hung out until about 6 and went home. I read her a few books, she was substantially ready to sleep after that full day and no nap, and so was I.

Today she peed in the potty (YAY!) and as I walked in to get her at daycare, she ran so fast that she tripped head-first into a chair. Thankfully it was a very forgiving toddler chair, but it scared her and she cried for a bit until I promised Goldfish crackers and water in the car. All is right in the world when you have Goldfishies.

Quick story

It's been a while, I have MUCH to relay, but it's late and I can't do it until tomorrow.

I must, however reveal that my good friend Les decided to motivate today; he painted his den and cleaned out his garage where all his Disc Dealer stuff is and was quite proud of himself. He called me from Pick Up Stix to tell me how proud he was of himself until he put the paint back on a top shelf in his garage and proceeded to spill it all over the garage floor.. which is actually carpet. Yep, it's like he's "King Midas in reverse.. everything [he] touch[es] turns to shit." - Tony Soprano. Fortunately, the garage had been cleaned up, and it got nowhere near his motorcycle. Thank goodness for small favors.

Tomorrow is Jake's first birthday party. I'm sure Mia will be early-to-bed after the day, and I will be able to spend more time typing. Good night.

Monday Monday

Well, I put another package in the mail today, hopefully it'll get there just as quickly as the last.

Funny story about my lunchtime today. I went to Target first and got packing tape, a compact flash card-reader (Craig has a camera, but the cable isn't working with the laptop.. of course), and a cd case to send some movies over. I headed to the parking lot where I had Craig's package in the trunk. I'd left it open and ready to go with the customs form in there all filled out. I got back and put the card reader in there, and taped it shut. Before I realized the stupid form was STILL IN THE BOX. So then I sliced it open with my house key, took out the form and gingerly placed it on the trunk floor. Taped the box back shut, closed the trunk, then opened it again. Hm. Where are my keys? Oh yeah... Taped those in the box. Classic. Some poor soul was waiting for my spot, I waved her away. So for the 2nd time I sliced the box back open, got the keys out, then taped it up for GOOD this time! I was sweating after that one. Between that and spacing the memory card in the camera one night and the battery this past weekend, Craig probably thinks I'm losing it. I'm not... I just call it "mommy brain".

So Mia now asks for what she wants for dinner while I'm picking her up at school. Oh yeah, "Mommy. I'd like chicken nuggets please." It's so sweet and polite that if she asked for chocolate for dinner I'd probably give it to her. Thankfully that hasn't come up yet. We watched the "Daddy Movie" tonight that we made before he left. He read a few books for her. She particularly likes "Papa, Please Get the Moon for Me" and of course "Ten Little Ladybugs". She then asked me to read to her. I recently bought her the "Everyone Poops" book. Has anyone seen this? It's hilarious. Talks about how fish poop, birds poop, bugs poop... SInce everyone eats, everyone poops... etc. I'm sure Mia will have it memorized within the week. She loves it. It was mostly a ploy by me to get her to understand that it's fine to go since she'd been holding it in. At least it's entertaining! So I was reading the "I'll Teach My Dog a Lot of Words" book and there's a page where it has a chalkboard with animals drawn on it. The words (yes, I am doing this from memory) are, "I'll teach him big, I'll teach him small. And fat and thin and short and tall." And the chalk pictures corresponding are an elephant, a mouse, a fat bear a thin bear, a baby giraffe and a grown giraffe. The first two pages of the poop book emerged from this picture. I got to the page, read the words, and Mia, who instantly says "ANIMALS!" when we get to that page... said it, but then paused; "Elephants have big poop and mice have tiny poop." Verbatim from the poop book. Then as I kept reading, she suddenly stopped and said, "WAIT! I'll be right back."

She stood up. "Where are you going?"

"I have to show you something." (I would have pooped myself if she'd gotten the poop book, which was on my dresser.) "Hold on, Mommy. It's a surprise!" Hee hee!

She walked to my room, I peered around the corner. She emerged with my work shirt which I'd thrown on my bed. "HERE, Mommy! HERE!"

"Um, thanks."

"I BROUGHT it to you!"

"You sure did, sweetie, thank you." Ok, so it was silly. But it sure was adorable.

She sat on the potty tonight. No pee, but man it REALLY did look like she was trying to make it happen. She gasped, "OH! I hear it!" and waited for the tinkle. But it didn't come. I praised her anyway, this was big. Then I ran the bath, which she was so mad about, but I promised another book after bathtime.

I read her the poop book before her milk. Then we brought the "Mr. Brown Can Moo" book and I read it to her in her room while she was lying in bed. She loves that the most. I'm glad I started to do that... Craig will really enjoy that tradition.

Ok, time for MY bed. I'm going to attack the Sunday NYT crossword for a bit and then sleep.

GO USA! Awesome gymnastics tonight. And I'm still laughing that we lost at basketball to PUERTO RICO! hahahahahaha...

Back from Starbucks

It's Sunday morning, and Mia & I just got back from Starbucks. I'm extremely stoked b/c I secured Dipa's phone numbers. She's a fabulous barrista who is 17 years old, sweet, funny, amazing with kids, lives locally, and BABYSITS! To top it off, she grew up in Bowie, MD! Small world, so obviously we have a bond. Mia really likes her so I figure at least a matinee or something could be in order if she can babysit one day!

Craig called last night AND this morning... this morning was more to tell me he got our package! I sent it on the 6th, so it only took 9 days! That's fabulous. I have a ton more stuff to send, and it's encouraging that it would get there that quickly. He's so bummed that he's missing the Olympics.. they get lots of news, but no sports really. I told him about the "Olympic joint"... that cauldron is a big spleef! Too hilarious. I TiVo-d some men's gymnastics & beach volleyball yesterday so I can watch it.

He's doing well, the Gunny he took over for left, so now he'll be moving in. I'm happy he's doing ok, I know how much he misses Mia, that's for sure. I wish I could send him a big hug & "tiss" from her.

Yesterday we had a great day.. went to a birthday party for my coworker Cheri's daughter, Sami. She's so sweet, and Mia could talk about NOTHING else once I told her we were going to a birthday party. She was very good once she got over the fact that all those presents weren't for her. It was quite warm, so mostly the kids (and parents) hung out in the courtyard outside. Mia was very excited about having cake and ate every last crumb of her piece. She loved it. Then we went to Meesh & Bojan's house. Their new bathrooms look fantastic. A few plumbing kinks need to be worked out (they can't shower without it soaking the drywall at the moment!) and then all will be well. We met a few of their neighbors who were very nice. I met one family that's actually moving soon, to University City. They have 2 kids, Brandon is older (5th grade in the fall, however old that is) and Anna who is 4 1/2. She was insanely jealous of the attention Meesh was giving Mia. She gave Mia the dirtiest looks I have ever SEEN from another child, it was rather sad. Poor kid is dealing with the fact that her stuff is packed up, she's having to move, she's always had a nanny & no other kid interaction really... so I wasn't too surprised that she had trouble with having Mia around. Mia behaved beautifully, though. She was walking with Marie, Anna's mom, and she listened to her and everything. I was very proud.

Today we're about to go to the zoo with Anne & Ellie. She remembers Ellie as the girl who "tickles toes" from under the table at the baby shower we went to! It's too cute. Mia's excited, she'd like to see a lion and zebras. Hopefully it won't be horribly hot.

Ok, must pack a diaper bag & snacks. And today I will put the battery in the camera (unlike yesterday where I took the camera for a ride!). So PICTURES soon! Hope everyone had a great weekend. I'll type more this week.

All's well

He called this morning. A helicopter went down earlier this week, and their communications were cut off. Which does make sense... but my imagination runs away from me when i'm worried.

Poor guy.. they're rationing water, which means only using bottled water, which means only using water to drink. Not to shower. In 110-120 degree weather. That is probably one stanky-ass place right now! Hopefully they get more water soon... those poor people on that base, it must be awful. Anyway, he's SUPER busy, which is great as it always makes the time go faster.

He needs new boots, so I bought them today & will mail them out. I have another box going with a bunch of magazines, a couple of articles, and a Costco container of Jelly Bellies (there's a tease for you, baby!... I know Craig reads this).

So in an email today and on the phone too, he said, "No news is good news. If something bad happens, you will find out RIGHT away... so if you hear nothing, everything is fine." I guess that's as comforting as it gets for me right now, huh?

I'm thrilled that it's Friday, especially since I have a nice busy weekend ahead! Tonight Les & Wendi are coming over for opening ceremonies. Tomorrow we have a fun birthday party to attend and then we'll go to Meesh & Bojan's to see their newly remodeled bathrooms (and them, of course). Sunday a ZOO trip with Anne & Ellie (my boss and her 3-year-old daughter, who Mia has already spent some time with...) and then hopefully a nap. then Dana's coming over! It'll fly by, but hopefully Mia will just remain happy & in a good mood (and a LISTENING mood) all weekend.

Ok, time to go home and make this yummy yakitori chicken recipe I found in the Weber cookbook... we'll see how that goes!

Trying not to worry

Well, I haven't heard anything from him since Wednesday morning his time, and it's now Friday night his time. At what point do I worry? I'm up at 5:30 today because I keep checking to hear that nice little mail sound and see that it's from him. But instead I get a disappointing "thunk". Nothing.

Logic tells me that if his power was out or Internet was down he couldn't email me... but he's been CALLING. I know they cut off communications when Marines are dying because they don't want that kind of news coming from other people via their communications home. Understandable... but unfortunately Marines have been dying too much lately, and this huge protest in Najaf is only one on a laundry list of battles going on there that is SO frustratingly not covered in the media! ARGH. He's spoiled me, that's the problem... phone calls and/or emails every day, so when this gap happens I worry. It's not like last year when no news was GOOD news during the war.

Anyway, if you get the chance, read the Salon.com article "War? What war?". Email me if you can't get to it, I'll send you a copy... it details the American media's continuing lack of war coverage.

Ok, I need to shower. What I need really is some communication from my husband. Maybe today.

I see the light

Just when I've had a few bad days, Monday (of all days) comes and Mia is back in my heart. Of course I don't stop loving her to pieces, but some days are inherently better than others.

FIrst of all, I spoke to Craig this morning. Thankfully this time he paged me after I wasn't at my desk! Well, jeez, it's not like I can call him back! Anyway, he sounds good... ready for the turnover & to settle in to his permanent digs. Right now he has to wait for the guy he's replacing to leave before he can have his space. It's still hot... I felt horrible after I said it was hot here, realizing that was a ridiculous thing to say. (It is, for San Diego standards... but as in many cases, I'm sure he'd trade me) He told me that the "Swiss Steak" they had last night could have been camel..haha. But I got to speak with him for a while, tell him about Mia's weekend more, and ask what he thought of the pictures. He wisely stated, as I'd also previously heard, that often the "threes" are worse than the "twos". Sometimes in the middle of fighting with your 2-year-old you don't look at the bigger picture; EVERYONE deals with this to some extent. Kids can be rotten sometimes, but man does the good far outweigh the bad. And so he told me that he could look at 100 Mia pictures each day and still look at more. Of course, I know that... I can't imagine being so far away from her for so long. Baby, she misses you too... I promise.

Today I went to Costco with the full intention of buying soy milk for Mia and a couple of birthday presents for kids whose parties we will be attending. Then I saw the PUPPETS! They had these adorable glove puppets, there were 4 in each set; one was ocean creatures, one was jungle, one was farm animals and one was zoo animals or something like that. $6.89 a set. Yes, you read correctly. So what's a good Jewish mother to do? I bought the ocean creatures and the jungle animals! I have no will power when it comes to getting stuff for Mia. I also got her the Eric Carle book The Very Busy Spider; same dude who did The Very Hungry Caterpillar. Or, "Caddapidda" in Mia-speak.

So I was very excited to share the book, but figure I'll save the puppets for a desperate moment! So I picked up Mia, and thankfully she had a normal poop today (anyone reading this knows my woes I think, if you care at all and I haven't told you, let me know and I can fill you in), she greeted me with the usual enthusiasm, and Miss Mary said her day was great. I had her snack in the car, she climbed in her seat without hesitation, probably due to the fact that her alphabet book was waiting for her. She tells me what letter all the words start with, and the other way around.

"What starts with 'C', Mommy?"
"Tell me, baby."
"'Camel on the Ceiling!'"

I think it took her all of a week to memorize that book.. and it's the WHOLE alphabet! She LOVES books. More than ever. I can't explain how much she loves her books, she brings them in the car, and when I do NOT have her favorite handful of them along, she gets so upset. So, I explained that the Are You My Mother book was at home, and I'd read it as SOON as we got there. That seemed to satisfy her. Then we got home, and I made her some chicken while I cleaned for a bit (tomorrow I'm getting the living/dining room steam cleaned and then going out at night, so it should be neat for Meesh who's babysitting), and then while she ate she was looking at books. Surprise. I folded laundry, put some more in, and realized it was 6:40 already. I hadn't showed her the new book! I told her, "Mia, Mommy got you a new BOOK today!"
"ooooooooh!!"
"Want me to read it to you?"
"YEAH! OK... read it to ME?" She ran to where I was standing, and I showed her the book.
"What's this on the cover?"
"A SPIDERman."
"Just a spider, Mia."
"A SPIDER!"
"Ok, let me get my water, and we'll read the book."
"Mommy, I go poopoo, need change diaper."
Hm. She already did that today. As I got closer, I realized she was not kidding...
"Ok, let's change your diaper, and THEN I'll read the book." She very hesitantly agreed, insisting on bringing two smaller board books with her, two favorites; Are You My Mother and Mr. Brown Can Moo. She was standing by the changing table, and then she handed me the books. I put them on the side of the dresser, picked her up & changed her. Much protest involved due to the sand that came off her previously shod feet and went into her face while I hoisted her legs, poor baby! So I finished to exclamations of,
"OK! Read BOOK! OK!"
I sat on the couch, grabbed the "Spiderman" book, and she came to sit - but no, she didn't. She stopped. "OOPS! Be right back," she said. She RAN back to her room, grabbed the two books that I'd left there, came running back with them, put them on the couch next to her, and then sat to listen. SHE WAS LINING UP FUTURE BOOKS TO READ! Not to mention the memory of what had just happened... amazing. Brain development right before my eyes. I laughed and hugged her. She said, "Tiss?" (kiss) and I did. "Hugs?" and i did. And I was SO smart, that when I got to the last book, I said,
"Ok, after THIS one, it's bath time."
Small whine.
"What happens after this book, Mia?"
".... it's baf-time." RIGHT! awesome, it worked! And sure enough, as soon as it was over, she HAPPIILY marched into the bath!
Bath was great, she's finally clean, and I stand her up on the table to put her PJ shirt on. Across the room she spots Where the Wild Things Are. This is another new favorite, and it's the nice hard-cover version from my brother & his wife that she got for her 1st birthday. I've only recently been courageous enough to let her touch it, she's very good though.
"MOMMY! Read THAT book??!?!"
I turned around, I'd forgotten I'd even brought it IN there, and she had to crane her neck to see it... wow. "OK."
So we walked out, I gave her milk, explaining that I'd read it AFTER milk and tooth-brushing. I said, "One book, just this one, and then bedtime.... what happens after I read this book, Mia?"
"Bed time."
YESSSSSS!!!!!! And what a fabulous bedtime it was. Amazing day. More tomorrow if I get the time. This novel was for YOU, baby!!

A new week

Sorry, gang (or anyone who's reading this) it HAS been a while!

Let's see... Craig is doing well. The Gunny he's replacing is leaving soon, and then he'll have the place to himself. This includes (and according to Craig, he's "living like a Colonel") his own twin bed, shower & nice big cement walls to decorate! So if you're going to snail mail anything to him, let me know so that you can send something appropriate.

I'm not as sad for right now... but Mia's definitely starting to notice that he's gone. She was a disciplinary nightmare for most of the weekend, and usually the team effort we have going is a huge help. From the moment I fell for him, I always knew Craig & I were meant for each other. But I had no idea what a great parenting team we would be! He is an amazing backup for comforting, discipline, FUN, anything that Mia needs. He is missed in that department for sure.

She occasionally will hit me now, that's not accepted; and I feel AWFUL because I just take her wrist in my hand and sternly say, "NO hitting! Hitting hurts mommy!" and she begins to cry her eyes out. Not the reaction I'm looking for, you know? I mean of course she's going to feel bad when I'm angry, but I want her to feel more apologetic and LEARN from it, not break down in a sad fit of bawling. I guess it's the age. She's still only so-so with sharing too, but that will come. I just need her to LISTEN to me! I feel like a skipping record, "Mia, don't touch. Mia, put that down. Mia, put it down. Mia, come here and do this, put that down. Do you HEAR me? Put it DOWN!" If we're in public, people must think I have a screw loose... I try to make her repeat what I say, but she won't. I just don't understand how someone THAT smart, and with that accute of a sense of hearing (she hears a plane, helicopter, truck, crying baby, anything like Radar from M*A*S*H - before any other human ears hear it) can NOT listen. But yet if it's something she doesn't CARE to hear (mostly things out of MY mouth), she tunes out. Welcome to selective hearing, Mom. This will be in place for at least 16 more years.

Ok, after the bad, the good; I got her a PRECIOUS pair of pink, orange & white flip-flops. (available for viewing at The Bowman Web Page) they're Reef brand, and they were only $7. (I checked.. they're $14 at Nordies! HA!) So I bought them because I could NOT resist, and I wasn't so sure about the size. I left the tags on, and as we arrive at a restaurant to meet Meesh for a happy hour drink after work on Friday, I put one of them up to the bottom of Mia's shoe she was wearing. They were perfect. Mia spotted it as I held it for all of 3 seconds, yanks off her shoe & sock and says, "I want to WEAR!" pointing at the flip-flops!
"You want to wear these now?"
"OK!" (If you have MET Mia, you know about her love for "OK!")
So, I helped her take off her other shoe & sock, and cut off the tags on the shoes. I helped her to put them on, she became and instant pro, and I said, "Those are so pretty!"
She looked up, mouth in a wide-open smile, and said, "LOOK at my TOES!"
I said, "Those are 'flip-flops'."
"FLEEP Flops!" She showed Michelle 40 times, she kept telling the waitress about them, "Look at my FLEEP flops. Look at my TOES!" it was classic. She woke up on Saturday morning and the moment I opened her door she said, "I want to wear FLEEP flops!" So obviously there was a huge breakdown when I wanted her to wear ANY other shoes, but she got over it. The scene is so darn CUTE!

We did have our Sunday morning at Starbucks. She wanted to take 4 books with her, and she's always playing with stuff and pretending it's a backpack, so I had an idea. I got out the backpack we bought for her for school and said, "want to take them in this?"
"OK!" I helped her put them in, and she carried them to Starbucks, proud as a peacock. Now she needs to master how to unzip and zip it, but that's another time...

Ok, time to go. I hope you're enjoying the pictures & the stories, everyone. This weekend we have a birthday party & a zoo trip in store! Also a visit with Auntie Dana. Wendi tells me there's a community pool with a water park.. maybe we can find time to hit that soon too.

Feeling better

It's now Wednesday, it's been almost a week. Even though Mia & I have colds, I'm in much better spirits. I know he's safe, we've talked on the phone a couple of times, and I'm making plans. I spoke with Ayelet the other night, we had a great conversation. Also spoke with my mom who I think worries that I'm depressed; I open my email each day to find an e-card from her wishing me a great day. It's sweet... I'm sure she has no idea what to do.

Just spoke with Lauren for a while tonight, which was great. It's nice to wrap my mind around what's going on in someone else's life, even if only for an hour or so. She's doing well, sounds happy... is one of many of my friends that is doing work on her house at the moment. Construction abounds out here! We made plans to see each other in a couple of weeks. This weekend hopefully I'll spend time with Les & Wendi, Meesh & Bojan, and I'm sure I'll just be making sure that Mia & I are healthy again. The weather is amazing, it's cooled off quite a bit. I've turned off the A/C and opened the windows.

Work is keeping me REALLY busy. It's going well, though; I heard today that we hooked Assemblywoman Christine Kehoe to speak at our Political Action Committee golf tournament fundraiser. That is a nice little coup.

I'm also planning to see Bebel GIlberto (daughter of very famous Joao - see Girl From Ipanema) at the Belly Up toward the end of August. A few people from work are leaving after next week so there's a going away party. Hopefully someone can sit for Mia so that I can go.

Mia's doing so great... she seems like she understands somehow. We went to the store today and she sat in the cart (I should specify that it's a cart with a seat for kids, not just the regular cart) and behaved so nicely. She held a box of Spongebob Squarepants mac & cheese the whole time, telling me about the jellyfish & starfish on the box. Others would pass us in the aisles and smile at her and give me the "She is ADORABLE" look. I can't say I disagree. It seems like I'm barely treading water in being able to avoid tantrums or curtail ones that have began, and she's getting smarter and smarter so those tactics are ceasing to be effective. Her memory is improving at an alarming rate, as is her speech ability. It's getting much tougher to fool or outsmart her. I guess it's a learning experience for both of us! The funny thing is, sometimes it works to my advantage, and i don't want to let on... For example, tonight, we got home from Vons and I had a bunch of bags in the trunk. As I struggled since I only wanted to make one trip, she stood looking and started shouting "I want to carry! I want to carry!"

"You want to carry bags with me?"
"yeah."
GREAT! I handed her a couple of lighter bags, and she brought them inside so happily you'd think I'd let her have candy or something! Keeping that one in mind...hehe.

OK, it's sleep time. I'm fighting this cold and need my rest. Good night.

He arrived safely.

Craig called me late this morning, he's there. 130 degrees in Kuwait... I thought with all that flying time, maybe they screwed up and took him to a base on Mars instead. He sounded fine, he was soaking with sweat, and definitely happy the plane part was over. He did say that the Gunny he's replacing has things pretty hooked up out there. I expect we'll all get pictures soon. If you care, the time difference is 11 hours (PST, anyway), so when he called me at 10:15 AM or so, it was 9:15 PM there. So you east coast people can do your own math..hehe.

Had a good day with Mia and of course I regret not having the camera with me. We played on a great playground near Les & Wendi's, and Mia had a ball. I'm pretty sure Jake did too... he called Wendi "mama" for the first time. Well, actually, the second, but the first time you don't really believe it so with babies you wait until it happens again before you get excited. Mia was pretty good, all things considered. She REALLY had fun at the pool. She was previously very apprehensive about being in the pool. In my opinon, she saw Jake's lack of fear and said, "screw this... if he can go in there, I can go in there," and proceeded to jump into my arms from the edge of the pool. Repeatedly. Hm! Guess now I can worry about her around bodies of water... swim lessons next summer for SURE!

I appreciate all of my friends here, your comments, your prayers, positive thoughts.. and WILL take up each and every one of you on your offers! Mia and I WILL travel a bit, I'm buying her a Wiggles sleeping bag that's attached to an air mattress; I'll bet you all that she'll love that thing more than her bed! And I know that now & then even a movie or a dinner out with grown-ups will be very therapeutic. I'm looking forward to it, every bit of it passes time. And I know that Mia is so much better with familiar and fun friends, that's such a huge help to me. (Julie, I mentioned your name in the car yesterday with Stuart, and she fully started talking about you! it was too cute.)

Fabulous conversation with Julie LIttle-Nickson tonight.. she apparently was put in charge of getting a gift for Michael Moore and gave it to him at a cocktail reception at the DNC in Boston last week and he CRIED. She had quite an incredible time with him. Sounds like she enjoyed the convention very much. She & her hubby are headed to the wine regions of France on Saturday, it sounds incredible.

Ok, it's 10:15, start of a new month, a new work week... and one more week closer to my guy returning. Good night, all.

Sunday Morning

I was woken up by my daughter stomping on the wall that connects to my room! Talk about a rude awakening. Ah the fun of the "big girl bed".

Lumpy... I'm not a closet OC watcher, I'm a FULL-ON out of the closet OC watcher! I love that show, and I fully know it's a guilty pleasure. Another few favs: Six Feet Under (actually, ANY HBO show, it's just that Six Feet Under is on right now), Big Brother, Amazing Race, and coming up.. the Olympics. That will be a great time-filler! In the fall there will be lots of good new stuff too. I'm a HUGE CSI fan, so the New York one is coming and that'll be great. I'm sure there will be more diversions.

Mia's watching Pooh right now at 7:15 AM on a Sunday, and I'm in here wiping the sleep out of my eyes. Yesterday I went to the Carlsbad outlet mall with "Uncle Stu" who Mia had a complete blast with. She really is much easier now that she's friendly with our friends and can stand to be away from me for a short while. However, I didn't bring her stroller so much of the day was spent repeating myself like some kind of idiot.... "Mia, come here. Mia, come here. Don't touch that. Don't touch that. Don't touch that! I said come HERE!" She usually listens.. there was too much freedom yesterday I think. And Stuart, thank you for being so incredibly patient and amazing with her. For a change, I not only got clothes for Mia, I actually got some pants for myself! Then we did the Jamba Juice thing, and they made Mia her own mini smoothie cup and she sat at the table with us, lifting her glass and saying "CHEERS!" while we clinked cups, just like her father showed her last time we had Jamba Juice. That kid is developing one hell of a memory.

Just remembered... I've also been watching Last Comic Standing for a while, and I had a dream last night that I had to do a routine on stage. I could probably do it, but in the dream I didn't have enough prep time so I chickened out. Strange.

Well, the "boss" calls.. time to make a waffle and get myself ready for a Starbucks trip & the Sunday Times puzzle. I may see Wendi & Jake later, we'll see.